


How to Talk a Warlock Down

by posterchild



Series: How to Kiss a Warlock [3]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, Hurt Merlin, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Minor Character Death, Suicidal Thoughts, Triggers, no one dies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-20
Updated: 2013-04-20
Packaged: 2017-12-09 01:04:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/768175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/posterchild/pseuds/posterchild
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“What’s going on?” Arthur asked, trying to keep his voice steady. He didn’t see scenes like this often, and even with all the death he saw in battle, it unnerved him. Situations like this were different; in battle it was kill or be killed, but now there was a chance that someone could be saved, someone good. He just hoped he wasn’t as close to the person up there that he thought he was."</p>
            </blockquote>





	How to Talk a Warlock Down

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know why I keep hurting Merlin like this, I just can't help it. It's like a horrible addiction. A delicious, horrible addiction. I'm not even sorry anymore, really.

There were many high places in Camelot. The entire city was housed inside a wall taller than any around, and the turrets were even higher again. But the highest place in Camelot was the watchtower that sat on the far end of the city. On a cloudless night one could see as far as they wanted. In the daytime most of the smaller towns could be seen up to the horizon, and in the night the lights glittered and sparkled as far as the eye could see. It was one of Merlin’s favourite places; if he found himself without any responsibilities (which unfortunately, wasn’t often), he would climb to the top of the tower and just sit for as long as possible, looking over the land as the sun moved high overhead.

 

Of course, getting up the tower was a privilege. There was a lot of pressure on people, knights especially, and it never came as a surprise when word travelled of a knight, usually a young one, who had crumbled under the stress and thrown themselves off it. It was always sad news to King Arthur, but he couldn’t let himself dwell on it for too long; he did have a kingdom to run, after all. The watchtower was heavily manned, and every guard around the tower had gone through extensive psychological training should they find a lost soul trying to jump.

 

Arthur awoke to the early morning sun filtering through the curtains onto his face. He took a few minutes to come around and sat up groggily, looking to the side, expecting to see Merlin, but there was nobody there. His heart immediately began pumping harder; Merlin _always_ slept way past Arthur, even if he had errands to run that day. Arthur ripped back the covers and dressed quickly, leaving his room without even closing the door after him. He searched the castle blindly, the speed of his breaths increasing at every empty room he encountered. He left the castle frantically, making his way to the stables in hopes of catching Merlin tending to the horses; a habit the sorcerer couldn’t quite break. Upon entering the stables Arthur spotted Gwaine dismounting his horse after a patrol around the lower town. Arthur all but tackled Gwaine to the ground, having had more than enough at this point.

 

“Gwaine, _please_ tell me you’ve seen Merlin. I can’t find him anywhere!” Arthur ground out. Gwaine eyed him strangely, passing his horse to a servant.

 

“You ever tried the watchtower, mate? He loves it up there.” Gwaine replied easily. He didn’t get a chance to say anything more as Arthur sprinted off toward the tower as fast as his legs could carry him. He didn’t think he could feel any worse about this situation until he saw a crowd of guards around the bottom of the tower shouting to someone at the top. The crowd parted and became silent as the king pushed his way through.

 

“What’s going on?” Arthur asked, trying to keep his voice steady. He didn’t see scenes like this often, and even with all the death he saw in battle, it unnerved him. Situations like this were different; in battle it was kill or be killed, but now there was a chance that someone could be saved, someone good. He just hoped he wasn’t as close to the person up there that he thought he was.

 

“Sire- I…” the first guard stammered. Arthur really didn’t have time for this.

“Who is up there?!” Arthur roared. The guard swallowed audibly.

 

“Merlin is up there, Sire…” he breathed, “We’re trying to talk him down but he’s not spoken at all so far. The guard last night let him up there, he didn’t think anything of it. Merlin seems so happy. I don’t know why he’s doing this…” Arthur said nothing more but took to the stairs, climbing two at a time until he got to the top, out of breath and completely panicked.

 

“Merlin!” Arthur cried out roughly. Merlin stood at the very edge of the tower; he’d climbed over the railing edge and was perched so precariously. One slip and he’d fall, and Arthur just couldn’t deal with that, “Merlin please, what are you _doing_?!”

 

Merlin’s shoulders slumped in resignation and he gripped the railing hard as he turned to face Arthur. His face was calm, but Arthur could see the tear-tracks that had long-since dried. His eyes were red-rimmed and tired, and Arthur felt an overwhelming urge to sweep Merlin away from the edge and kiss the expression off his face.

 

“I just- I’m tired, you know?” Merlin replied thickly, “People keep dying and I can’t do anything to stop it.” Arthur recoiled slightly. No one he knew closely had died lately. What was Merlin talking about? He didn’t have to ask, however, as Merlin continued, “I received a letter this morning. My mother was taken ill last month and they thought she was getting better, but she didn’t. She passed last night.” Merlin’s breath hitched, “She _died_ and they didn’t even tell me she was ill!” Merlin scrubbed at the tears in his eyes and took a deep breath to steady himself, “I know this is selfish, I do, but I’ve seen so much death, Arthur, and the one person I thought I still had I don’t. I’ve lost my mother and I don’t know what to do!”

 

Arthur breathed out an exasperated sigh. Being born into royalty with no mother to begin with, he was brought up to expect the worst, and even he had mourned the loss of his father, but Merlin hadn’t expected this. True, he hadn’t known his father for long, but even now as he spoke of him, Arthur could see the loss written on his face, and he’d even seen Merlin crying about it at the time. The man he saw before him was an ill-prepared child who felt lost and confused. Arthur took a few tentative steps forward and Merlin rubbed his sore eyes again.

 

“I know, Merlin. You- you’re scared, right? I know it’s not the same for us, but what you’re thinking of here definitely isn’t the solution. I know everything feels so, so wrong right now, but I promise you’re not on your own anymore. Don’t you see? You’re completely surrounded by friends, and we’d do anything to help you. Surely you can see that by now. We’ve stuck our necks out for you just like you have for us. Even before you became court sorcerer you were equal. You always were.” Merlin shuffled his feet nervously. He was unsure of what to do. He knew his mother wouldn’t want this of him, but he felt so raw and exposed. Arthur seemed to let the anger take over at Merlin’s deliberating.

 

“For God’s sake, _Merlin_! Get away from there! Come back here to me! Don’t you see I love you, you idiot?!”

 

Merlin paused at Arthur’s confession. Arthur told Merlin he loved him all the time, every night in fact, but he’d never said it like this. He’d never said it with such passion and meaning before. Merlin could really see him now; he could see the blush collecting on Arthur’s cheeks, the beads of frustrated sweat on his forehead and the tears gathering in the king’s eyes. Merlin had never seen Arthur cry before. Not even when he was forced to strip and show him his secrets. And that was it, wasn’t it? Arthur had lost as much as Merlin, and to lose his sorcerer and love would ruin him, and Merlin couldn’t do that to him. True enough, Merlin had fulfilled his destiny, but that didn’t mean it had to end. He was distraught that his mother had passed, but he could get through this with Arthur, just like he’d gotten through everything else that had been thrown at him. He could do this.

 

“Arthur, I’m sorry.” Merlin croaked. Arthur had a fleeting moment of terror until Merlin gripped the rail harder and vaulted his legs over and back to safety. Arthur wasted no time in rushing forward and grabbing the slim man, pulling him back and to his chest in a bruising embrace.

 

“Don’t do that again, Merlin. Don’t you ever do that again.” Arthur babbled in Merlin’s ear, burying his face into Merlin’s soft hair. Merlin clung to Arthur’s back firmly and flashed a watery grin.

 

“I won’t, Arthur. I swear.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for making it this far! :D Also, thank you so much for the kudos on my other stories, I really do appreciate it and it always brightens my day when I get an e-mail telling me I have it. :D You're all lovely!


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